Wednesday, December 30, 2009
last day
:O ohmy gaspard ulliel is such a hottie.and double :O :O his 'dad' is not his dad!
and triple :O :O :O louise the pretty slutbag is his sister!
Sunday, December 27, 2009
smile
i love this smiley. it reeks of sarcasm and judgement. xoxo
revel in the love of my new favourite smiley while you judge my progress at work. i think i'll probably upload my progress ocassionally to keep myself up to date with time (which i'm trying very hard to work against)
Friday, December 25, 2009
midas
merry christmas ya'll. nobody's probably going to read this because it is privatised but, still it is formality to voice it out ya.okay so anyways. i just want to come to terms with myself. lets be honest. personally i feel that currently home is just shelter for me. an empty shell to a lost hermit crab. nothing short of food and ample utility to keep me safe and warm through a tough night. mom is frankly put, an atm that i withdraw a monthly allowance from. i guess it mainly started the very minute she just gave up on herself and me. well not technically giving up, but in my eyes, yes. giving up.
i frankly cannot be bothered to tell any of them anything anymore and i feel like the gap between common knowledge is getting wider and wider. interests vary, and i simply do not feel like putting any effort in bridging any potential gaps. i didn't tell my mom i went for camp last dotc1. i just kind of disappeared off the face of the earth a little. and just now when we were off to gardens to buy food, i kind of scurried off to the front and did my own little thing alone, while she willingly strolled behind.
i guess a large part is because i'm an only child, and i'm so used to growing up and relying on family, and to see this diversion between concern and just sleeping like a fucking log on the couches every night just turns me off so bad. i've always thought the world of my friends, because they are the only possessions i've ever had since i've always been denied any pets that i've ever dreamed of getting or any siblings. but recently, as everyone around me slowly starts to get attached and busy with their own stuffs, i think there's only that much i can do.
defences up, i kinda retreat into my shell a little? reserved, maybe, but i try to put a facade. but frankly i really enjoy the times when i'm not alone and i'm with people i enjoy and love. but otherwise when i am, i think i tend to let my mind wander a little bit. i do feel alone a lot, and it breaks my ego to say it because i've always thought i could be a trooper by myself. i do kind of yearn to be in a relationship, but i fear that in that situation i would be everything i've ever cited i would never ever be. only because i feel the need to rely on somebody else since its frankly almost me against the world in my mind. i don't even know what i'm rambling about anymore.
you know, one day i'll probably look back on this post and curse at myself, realizing that the air of stupidity was so dense then, you could cut it with a knife. but today, as i'm typing this - i don't know if it's just hormones or puberty, but i frankly have given up on hoping for a lot of things in life. i still wish the best for myself, but my confident shell i thought i always had is suffering from cracks and it's only time it crumbles in.
that said, despite the fact i long to have someone to watch over me, i am proud that i've stuck true to what i've promised myself. to not jump into something impulsively. perhaps my expectations are too high to meet, but who i like, i can never get. whomever likes me, will unfortunately not get my favors in return. i kinda wish i could allow myself to get out there a little, be impulsive and get to know people like a fucking slut (not in terms of sleeping, but social networking) but no, that's beyond me. and i guess a lot of it falls back on the fact that fyp is holding me back a little. but i know deep down it's just another month and it'll all be over (which is another worry because i feel like i'm so behind time)
with that, i guess it's time to end this post. what a way to celebrate christmas, and the end of 2009. as much as i've enjoyed the festive spirit, i'm lacking feel this exact moment.
Saturday, December 19, 2009
Yes, I love you too. :)xoxo, God.
hahahaha.
wotef
how fucking shady is it to eat a pack of apple chips (supposedly more healthy lah)only to find that all the 'healthier' words have been colored off the pack.
with a gold marker.
makes you think right, was it healthy before until a lawsuit ensued that made them take it down, or is it just downright cholesterol inducing. :(to all pack designers out there har. think twice before adding words into your pack okay. don't suka suka only to find you have to color them off later.
hey soos
oh hallelujah. praise the lord, for being with me every step of the way. for making me who i am and giving me what i have.yes yes. appreciation is good.
in which i completely agree with, acceptance and thanks.
but overdoing it is an extremely turnoffish thing. impression buanged into smithereens.
Thursday, December 17, 2009
chyna song
我想起了遇见你的时候 想起你眼神中的温柔
想起了我们第一次牵手 我闭上眼
想起当时你怀里的颤抖 似乎那麽害怕失去我
然而到後来我什麽都没有 当你离开的时候
brilliant song.
lovin' it.
totally unapplicable though, although sometimes i wish it were.
honolulu highlites
the old man is super duper funny.i bet he is somewhat senile.
you know how old people like to certain things at certain times, period? he has to eat like now, means he has to eat like now. not one minute later or less. so he was standing beside the rice cooker watching the number count down.
he was quoted saying just now 14 minutes, then now i go back it says 15. how come it went up.
hahaha srzly.
(this is a very loathsome laugh okay. pls note.)
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
walt this knee.
which knee? no not that knee.walt diz knee.
i want to watch the princess and the frog. hoho.
and i hate hiccups.
and, fingers crossed, we can make it through fyp.
Friday, December 11, 2009
hawt mass
chris salvatore is gorgeous. xoxo
eating out & redwoods :D
"i just threw up a little bit in my pussy" is the new it term.hahaha @ my fag hag days are over.
eta: watching redwoods now!
"i have plans tomorrow, to be with you."
i think i might be diabetic now.
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
omg. this is fucking ridiculous.1. always check what you're trashing.
2. always doublecheck your trash when you're trashing.
lesson learnt. i want to fucking shoot someone.
Monday, December 7, 2009
freakoutttt.
current state for fyp
ahhhhhh. hehheh.
wake up on a saturday night.
Early sleep, early wake up to do work.it's my first time doing something like this, and i have been awake since 3-ish 4. I've just finished a cup of cereal, adn I'm probably going to take my shower soon. I hope this attempt at work pays off because time is really cutting short. :/
Fingers crossed that is more productive.
Thursday, December 3, 2009
reliance
i kind of got myself proven right, actually.you can't really rely on anybody a full 100% to do anything with you, or even for you for that matter.
it's sad though, how promises seem to be floating about, but never held true to.
as far as this goes, this isn't even emotional reliance, and people already cannot stick by their words.
not that i'm upset by anything or whatsoever, it's just quite displeasing to realise what society has come to. a world where nothing is upheld and words are spewed without honor. i'm that kind of person who believes in a taste of your own medicine. i'm no bitter betty but if this is the way society is, i guess i have to conform.
we're becoming so ugly, no?
in other hands, the service maintenance man that came by the other day for glitter was quite sincere. the issue wasn't very troubling so i felt pretty bad that i had made him travel all the way down. but he seemed quite pleased to do so, saying it was his job all.
yeah right. he has to, he's paid. he is jolly-well happy because glitter needed no technical or manual work. hahaha.
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
thinkerbell
you realise you can't get anybody's assurance 100%.i guess that fall is partly because of reliance, to a certain extent. which makes me wonder.
okay anyways. am going to get macdonalds. been craving for it for a while. :D bye.